Glow in the dark again

The first time you stepped your foot on my low bed

I should have known,

You would trample my naked white sheets

and drive 122 miles back to your place hungover with sober pieces of my sheets.


Of this brief brutal picture that was painted of us,

somehow the colours were faint!

I would look at myself in the mirror

Sofian Shea Butter all over my body

satin naked skin

so I could glow in the dark

Darkness was where I saw you

where I loved you in your doubts and insecurities,

That time when you hated yourself

“fml! why am I like this?”- you said

My heart bled because

self-hate, my genesis

framed familiarity.

So, when you asked if you could stay because it was too late, 

I let you step on my low bed

in an attempt to rescue myself

in an attempt to save myself. 

 

You always turned off the lights

before whispering in my ear,

“Surprise me”

Or

“Have a little fun”- you would say,

I knew fun are always finite

I know you didnt want to hurt anyone

That little fun

had me in scars which are not finite

and bruised my self esteem

Still you would claim you didnt want to hurt anyone!

TK says I carry the weight of the world on my shoulder,

Heavy is this tight knitted intergenerational trauma

that never saw its daylight

It came pouring out after you left me in the dark

when you snatched my glow

"I am a cryer", I said

But TK allows everything and I feel safe,

She works in broad daylight,

I guess thats why I feel seen,

Little by little

Although not on Fridays

I am trying to steal that daylight

So I could glow in the dark again.