lost cause

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I wanted to impress you when you made a hurtful comment about the way I washed my sorrows and drained my insecurities... it wasn't clean enough for your newly dressed fears.

Hurt always feels familiar.

I always thought you were cool
I wanted to be like you and liked by you.

I didn't know you were lost.
you were ruling out your fears so effortlessly,
I wanted to walk on your footsteps!
I guess I never forgave myself for abandoning my true self
so I was bitter with you
when you bought all the meals, even though I was always hungry
the void was not on my stomach, it was on my sleeves.

I never admitted it but I was full of fears
that's why you hear me chanting all the names of gods
I am petty, I am scared and I am not proud of it
Neither do I want to hide it.

They say "you can't fight a war by ignoring it"
I was ignoring myself for so long
armies of my anger always showed up
but I didn't want to face the truth
instead, I traveled 10,000 miles to set myself free

Now, I am tired
I am letting my armor down from my sleeves
I want to meet you in your insecurities
silence is not the solution
I don't know all the answer
I want to see you free first,
free of all your fears
so we can meet once again
once again for real.






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