I AM SMRITI RAI

These days everything is easy to compare- houses, phones, travel destination and what not! With social media, it is easier for us to even compare our emotions: happiness, sadness! Why do we compare our pain? Someone else has it worse than me! so I should feel grateful! but really, the feelings that I feel are the feelings that I feel! I should allow myself to feel it, completely...no?

So many 'how-tos' but the directions are mapped in 'Why' shape I noticed a lady with a passion for buying something new, try on a few mistakes - loose or fit soon claim it to be hers with a label of guilt on, the new will wear off like old news, stick your guilt in every new soon the guilt becomes your old unwelcomed friend but I am not here to judge truthfully, I am missing that passion because I felt so empty that day - no emotions not even a worry That day I understood, worrying actually makes you feel alive, so next time when worry walks up to my door there will be a welcome mat on the floor we were on the top floor parking with no views in my town, we get the whole view of my town but I was here only for a few hours, so the guy was nice enough to hold the lift for us you will miss the nice gesture if you don't pay attention so buy that trust by paying attention currently, this is what I am missing currency to pay attention currency and

It started off with staff training, vegan pizza, and hay fever. "Summer - when the skin gets darker, hair gets lighter, beaches, sands and blah blah blah!" But my summer included buildings and rooftops, two trips to Christchurch, Candy floss sky, spontaneity and you on my front door Rooftop with an old friend This rooftop is different because the only sound you hear is of the space you stand in and the great view of sunsets were the ones from when I walked home all alone you still get that heart goosebumps, I brought that same goosebump to the Downs, last time we couldn't stand still but this evening it was different with pink sky caressing my thighs, prayer and a slight hunger. This time the sky belonged to the sea Your prayer belonged to the wind and the wind belonged to me I didn't know then, the days ahead of me I will get to fulfill my childhood dream on a road trip to countless music, turquoise river and mass

I stopped at the traffic light, above all the dancing of dirt and dust my heart was singing Adele I wanted to wrap myself in my hometown glory so I wouldn't have to leave not this time We were warriors waiting for the whistle to go our mission as vain as the making of the road, but we knew how to swim through the dirt and rise like a dust and hurry our way to the same old same old Somehow we were always late, then we would stack our backseat with excuses and some stories of fate the day before, I fell from my scooter My aunt is fine Arise and shine, she says Bible sees her face every day I didn't think much about her life before The only Man in her life would take care of her I thought but when she was sick there were no bigger hands to give her a care Days get old and the stories get told she had pizza and I had dumplings that moment was the only youth that we would ever share,  her faith strong but her beliefs naive I didn't say a w

Safely wrapped up by the hills, she lacked patience, calling every number she had, but the numbers always stuck in traffic. the only rule that ever applied... And I? I was grateful for the time spent alone safe cab rides back home, when the same hills showed up for me, I couldn't help but walk down the aisle of my heart, In the midst of the April to the shoulder of Blue mimosa, I was happy to be Here,   Here at Home. she was somewhere else, always. walking down the aisle of your mistakes. April had a different story for her but the hills have seen it all before all she was trying to do  was make a Church out of you And every time she tried,  she lost pieces of herself And I? I never want to lose myself again! All I can do is pray that she finds her Home not of someone else but of her own.